Reclaiming Joy During the Holidays

During the holidays, many women instinctively take on the majority of the emotional and logistical labor such as planning gatherings, shopping for gifts, decorating, cooking, coordinating travel, managing children's expectations, and preserving family traditions all while often still working full-time or managing households. This tendency is rooted in deep cultural conditioning that equates a woman’s worth with her ability to nurture, perform, and keep everyone else happy. 

The pressure to “make the holidays magical” can lead to chronic stress, burnout, and resentment. Over time, this overwhelm can strain relationships as emotional needs go unmet, breed tension in partnerships due to uneven labor, and negatively impact physical and mental health contributing to fatigue, anxiety, or even depression. At work, it may manifest as decreased focus or productivity. When women internalize the belief that they must do it all, joy gets replaced by obligation and the season becomes a source of exhaustion rather than connection.

If this sounds familiar, take heart: you're not alone. There is another way. This season can be a time of healing, peace, and genuine joy if you give yourself permission to experience it differently. Here’s how you can begin to reclaim joy on your own terms.

Start by acknowledging the stress and then set it down. Before you can embrace peace, you need to acknowledge the weight you’re carrying. So many women are the emotional anchors of their families, especially during the holidays. You may be managing invisible responsibilities like coordinating meals, remembering traditions, holding space for others while trying to keep a smile on your face which can be exhausting.

The first step is to validate your experience. Feeling tired, irritable, or overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re human. Instead of pushing through, give yourself grace. Consider starting your mornings with just five quiet minutes with no phone, no noise. Breathe. Stretch. Sit in stillness. These small moments can shift your entire day.

Sometimes you need to redefine what “holiday joy” means to you. Somewhere along the way, many of us absorbed the message that holiday joy comes from picture perfect homes, full social calendars, and carefully curated family traditions. But when you pause and look back, what really made the holidays special for you? Maybe it was baking cookies in a cozy kitchen, laughing over something silly with a friend, or watching snow fall while sipping tea. Take time to reflect on what brings you joy. Create your own list, and more importantly, protect time for those experiences. Even if they’re simple or solitary, they matter. 

A third step is to set boundaries to protect your energy. One of the most liberating things you can do this season is say no. No to overcommitting. No to draining obligations. No to traditions that no longer serve you. It’s okay to step back from events or activities that leave you depleted. You don’t have to attend every party, buy every gift, or host every dinner. You can simply say, “We’re keeping it simple this year,” or “I’m a little overextended, maybe next time.”

Choose connection over perfection. Let go of the illusion that everything must be flawless. No one will remember if your cookies were from scratch or store-bought. What they will remember is how you made them feel. Shift your focus from performing to connecting. Light candles and share a slow dinner. Take a walk and really talk. Laugh together. Cry if you need to. Let this season be one of intimacy, not just activity. Perfect homes and meals fade from memory. But connection is what is remembered.

Another step is to simplify traditions or create new ones. Traditions should bring joy, not resentment. If something feels heavy, you’re allowed to let it go or reshape it. Maybe instead of handwriting 50 holiday cards, you send a video message. Maybe you trade an elaborate dinner for a cozy soup night. Maybe gift-giving becomes about shared experiences rather than stuff.

A further step would be to get some physical activity. The holidays can leave us feeling stagnant with too many obligations, too much sitting, not enough time to reconnect with our bodies. But movement can be a powerful way to release emotional weight. Try taking walks with family, incorporate a family outing like ice skating, or doing gentle stretches before bed. You don’t need to burn calories or chase goals, just move in ways that feel good and free.

Many women have been taught to measure their worth by how much they can handle alone. But strength isn't about doing it all, it’s about knowing when to ask for support. Whether it's splitting household duties, ordering takeout instead of cooking, or leaning on a friend emotionally, allow yourself to be supported. Let others show up for you.

If you find yourself feeling guilty for not doing more, pause and ask where that voice is coming from. Often, it’s the echo of unrealistic expectations society has placed on women for generations to be everything to everyone, all the time. But here’s the truth, you are already enough. Your presence is a gift. How you show up, how you love, how you care, that is what matters more than anything you could buy, wrap, or bake.

At its core, the holiday season isn’t about decorations, obligations, or checking off traditions. It’s about connections. When you honor your own needs, you create space for others to do the same. And in that space, real joy begins.